Walk the Plank

I set my course for hell

When I ate that caramel

And watched the wrapper blow onto the Bank

The mainmast lookout crowed

“Ye broke the Pirate’s Code!”

And now the crew says, “Walk the plank!”

 

Camel butts or grocery sacks

You’ve got to walk the plank

Plastic grails or skittle packs

You’ve got to walk the plank

Parrot poop or tangled lines

Garbage, aye, of any kind

If you throw it in the sea,

Walk the plank!

 

I loved raiding other ships

And wearing big swords on my hips

Oh, the pirate’s life’s, been the life for me

Pirates might do dirty deeds

But we ain’t a dirty breed

And we swore we’d never make marine debris

 

Six-pack rings or broken forks

 

You’ve got to walk the plank

Flat tires or bottle corks

You’ve got to walk the plank

Styrofoam or coffee grinds

Garbage, aye, of any kind

If you throw it in the sea

You walk the plank!

 

Bad guys taste good to sharks

And they’re chewed up by dark

And their salty, little,

wooden legs degrade

But bite-sized balls of plastic wrap

Become Texas-sized balls of crap

And they never, ever go away

 

I was shaking like the mainsail luffs

When the captain yelled, “That’s enough!

Don’t let the chantey man walk far

Take the patches off yer eyes

And tell me, if he dies

Who is gonna play our guitar?”

 

Glitter balls or old headphones

You’ve got to walk the plank

Disc jockeys with microphones 

You’ve got to walk the plank

Arrhythmic vinyl scratchers,

Old fish song hackers

If you throw ‘em in the sea

You walk the plank!

 

©2025 Mark Holmes. All rights reserved.